A year online: A mini reflection

Alright, the title is kind of clickbait-y as I’ve been online for years. However, it’s been around a year since I began to share my art online properly.

In the beginning...

Unlike most people my age, I never used social media when I was a kid. The closest to anything social media I used was Youtube. Even then, I’ve always been a “lurker” rather than interacting with others. Browsing through YouTube comments, sub reddits *pukes*, and forums. Since I struggled to socialize in real life and any friends I did have I was hesitant to talk about my interests, viewing these spaces made me feel like I was a part of the conversation. All without actually talking with anyone. I felt connected to something.

If you spent anytime online then you would obviously know how hostile it can be. Every Time I saw all the drama, controversies, and death threats, it made me glad that I wasn’t on social media. However I knew that the career I wanted to do ,a freelance illustrator, needed some form of online presence.

Of course, you don’t need to be online to “make it” as an artist… but it’s incredibly hard.

I knew I would need a website to host my portfolio but I didn’t have the funds to make one (at this point I was unaware of Neocities and only knew of the subscription-based site builders such as Squarespace or Wix.) So, I decided to put that idea away for a bit. Around this time I started university to study illustration and a part of one of the modules required us to post our completed tasks on Instagram for the lectures to see. I really didn’t like that idea, as I knew Instagram was not good for artists at all. But I decided to give it a go, and I could just delete it afterwards. As expected, I had little followers and likes.

Okay, I know likes and follows don’t indicate your worth as an artist. That’s ridiculous. I know plenty of amazing artists who don’t get much attention. However, the feeling of being ignored sucks. It sucks big time. Everytime I posted something, I would get this feeling of dread. I did give it my best shot. Hell, I even made a reel which got around 350+ views which was insane to me. However, it drained all the energy out of me. So, I got rid of it. Konmari style.

Looking for alternatives

So, where do I go from here? Well, I was considering Tumblr for a while. It’s more niche, less algorithmic, and a hell of a lot less commercial. I was worried about how ‘toxic’ the user base would be as I heard a lot of horror stories surrounding Tumblr users. Lucky everyone seemed to have chilled out since then (many suspect most of the ‘problematic’ users left for Twitter when NSFW was banned.) In March 2024, Bekianee was born.

In an ideal world. I would not feel the need to use the internet for art. But I feel I wouldn’t be at this point of my artistic journey without it. When I first started to post to Tumblr, I had that same knot in my stomach. This time, however, I would get really positive and encouraging comments. Sometimes I read the tags when people reblog my work whenever I’m feeling crappy. It proved to me that people do like the art I make. That feeling was, and still is, exhilarating.

From customising my tumblr page with theme layouts, I discovered a whole new world of customisation. I learned HTML and CSS, something I never thought I would learn as I always saw myself as being technologically illiterate. Now I’ve found a side of the internet I never knew existed, something that’s full of life and so much more fulfilling.

It’s funny how things pan out, huh?

It’s safe to say that I have a more positive experience with the internet. Sure, there’s still aspects I hate but I’m better at ‘curating’ what I expose myself to. Taking the best and leaving the rest, as they say.

As for the future, I’m playing with the idea of posting stuff to YouTube. I have no intention of becoming a youtuber. I would post my animations and animatics there, maybe a tutorial or two. I dunno, I’m really into animation at the moment and want to pursue it further.

See you on the other side,
Beki